Don't Give Me Crap, I've Got A Gun!

on 09.28.2000

I was shooting my compound bow in the yard the other day when my peaceful, stress relieving pass time was rudely interrupted. "HEY, THAT THING SURE SHOOTS THOSE ARROWS FAST!", my loud mouthed neighbor exclaimed. He was referring to my 90 pound (pull pounds) Jennings Carbon Extreme compound bow. "Yup", I replied. "HEY, DO YOU HUNT WITH THAT THING?", he asked as he closed the lid to his BBQ grill. "Yup", I replied. He then proceeded to give me his personal opinion on the subject of hunting. "I THINK THAT’S A LITTLE BETTER THAN HUNTING WITH A GUN. I REALLY DON’T LIKE HUNTING TOO MUCH AT ALL, BUT AT LEAST THAT IS GIVING THE ANIMAL A FAIR CHANCE".

This guy is really lucky that I vowed a long time ago to never have another conversation with him… because he really pissed me off. I mean it; I almost lost my temper and actually said a whole sentence to the dumb ass. The guy is grilling up some burgers on his back porch yelling at me about how hunting is wrong, but at least hunting with a bow gives animals a fighting chance? How much chance did that cow have dumb ass? Ah… it would have been a waste of breath.

People, as a general rule, are stupid. They often display their stupidity when they voice their opinion on the subject of hunting. I believe that unless you are a vegetarian, you really don’t have any right to feel that hunting is wrong, and even vegetarians don’t have much right to say anything. The thing is, people don’t have any problem buying meat from the cooler case at their local super-market, because it’s impersonal. They don’t have to go into the field, take the life of an animal, then turn around and take the skin and meat off that animal, and then package it up for easy consumption at a later date. Nope, they just shoot down to the Giant Mart and pick up one of those nitrate injected, hormone filled pieces of plastic wrapped bovine… then they just shoot back to the house, slap it on the grill, and yell at their neighbors about how wrong hunting is.

Vegetarians listen up… You guys might think that its OK to give hunters a line of shit about killing poor Bambi, but you’re wrong too. If it weren’t for hunters, you would have long ago been dead. The deer I hunt are vegetarians just like you, and they can wipe out a farmer’s crop of vegetables if their numbers grow out of proportion. Therefore, by being a hunter, I am ensuring that all of you vegetarians get plenty to eat. In the state of Georgia, a few years ago, the state poisoned 30,000 deer… just to keep the population under control. They had to keep the population under control because the herd grew too large, and was destroying all the vegetarian food. The farmers, who were very worried about the health of the nation’s vegetarians, couldn’t shoot the deer fast enough… so the state poisoned them. Besides, if you are a vegetarian, the only reason you’re alive today is because of a hunter somewhere back in your family lines. If your great great great great grand pappy decided that he was going to live on cucumbers and tofu back in 600 BC, you wouldn’t be here now would you? No, you wouldn’t.

I know that hunting isn’t for everyone… and I know that some people get squeamish about blood, but just don’t give me a hard time about it. I prefer wild game to domesticated meat. Venison has no fat in it… less than chicken… less cholesterol too. I know of no other meat that is as good for you as venison. Venison also, being natural, is free of all hormones and the antibiotics that so many domesticated animals are pumped full of.

Some people don’t believe in killing animals because they are so pretty. I agree, the whitetail deer are one of the most beautiful animals on the face of this planet. A few years ago, I saw a deer that was so beautiful I decided to have him stuffed after I shot him. He now hangs on my wall… a permanent reminder of the beautiful animal that committed suicide that cold winter day, when he stepped out where I could see him. And if you think he was beautiful before, you should see him now. He has a great necktie, and a really cool baseball hat, and a fat Cuban cigar hanging from his lips.

So people listen up… If you don’t like hunting, don’t give someone else a line of shit about it till you’ve thought about it from all sides. Animals like deer were put on this earth for one purpose… to be killed and eaten by other hungry animals (like me).

This is Litho Johnson, signing out… and heading out to the deer woods to save the life of a vegetarian.


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