Funny Shit

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomat...

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin c. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk...

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the c...

ARIES Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're slopp...

Your last name stays put The garage is all yours Wedding plans take care of themselves You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park You can wear "no" T-shirt to a water park Car mechanics tell yo...

The Teabagging The all time classic manoeuvre of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless phrase "Who's your daddy?" The H...

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies: 1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before." ...

MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED: Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991. LONGEST PUBES: Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from th...

15> CULINARY ARTS 107: Garlic Breath -- the Hidden Super Power 14> ETHICS 260: Comparative Philosophies on Acting as an Agent of Justice in a Rapidly Evolving World of Increasing Complexity ...

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring two guns. Bring all your friends who have guns. Bring their friends who have guns. (Contractor's: procure as many as possible from all available sources). 2. ...

Please note these are all numbered "1" for a reason! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitc...

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say ``oh geez, better get cracking'' and do some gibberish work. 2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming `...

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200 Average number of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000 Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons ...

You live in Arizona when... 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel. 3. Y...

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains. * I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS. * I smell like...

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you ge...