Funny Shit

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back w...

1) You can buy a silencer for a handgun. 2) You can trade a .44 for two .22's. 3) You can have a handgun at home and another for the road. 4) If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him s...

Dear Susan : I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But ...

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of ContraceptiveXP, a suite of ap...

Having problems with people at work or school? Do you chuckle to yourself when you see someone fall over, or do you laugh out loud? Are you just not a "people's-person"? If so, you stand a good ch...

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it....

17. "Well you didn't say you wanted it cooked!" 16. He just doesn't have the same bright, optimistic smile now that he did two years ago on the cover of Time Magazine's "DotCom Successe...

The IRS position: Where you just bend over and take it up the ass with no lube. The Brainsqueeze: Otherwise known as performing cunnilingus correctly. The Humidor: (Requires a cigar and an ...

Michael Jackson and Pee Wee Herman are releasing a new music video. It's titled "I'll Beat It For You." ...

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. 2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. 3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. 4. The average person's left hand does 5...

Q: What's the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson? A: Richard Pryor got burnt on coke, Michael Jackson got burnt on Pepsi. Q: What's black and comes in little white cans? A: Mi...

ATTRACTION: the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet. DATING: the process o...

A altar of love, asshole neighbor, axe gash, axe wound, B bearded clam, beaver, bearded axe wound, box, black hole, black hole of calcutta, bottomless pit, bush, bikini biscuit, bird's n...

Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common? A: They're both 45 year old pieces of meat between two 10 year old buns. Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz2Men? A: ...

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests itself: I decide to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice tha...

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves the adhesive. 2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vod...