New Definitions For Sexual Positions

on 04.20.2004

The IRS position: Where you just bend over and take it up the ass with no lube.

The Brainsqueeze: Otherwise known as performing cunnilingus correctly.

The Humidor: (Requires a cigar and an intern).

The Butt Rut: (self explanatory but obligatory reference to ass screwing).

The Monday Night Football Colotial: (Actually just doggie style done facing the TV with the gameon with her in the football jersey of your favorite team).

The Kentucky Derby: (aka Woman astride ) be forewarned if you decide to use the western variant of this (The Rodeo) her spurs WILL wreakhavoc on the bed linens!

The "Osama Bin Dover": (valley vixen)

The Bin Laden: Shoot your load, then run, duck, and hide.

Oral Submarine: The guy must Dive...Dive... Dive.

The Bugs Bunny: It's when the guy is on top with the women's legs pinnedbehind her head.

The British telecom position: You get FUCKED by them and they never call you back.

The Grenade Position: I'll lie down and you blow the hell out of me.

The Enron Position: No matter what, you're getting it up the ass.

Totally Screwed: The position you in when your spouse comes in early fromwork and catches you in a position you can't get out of...

The Accountant: Double entry (cumagain).

And the #1 New Name for a Sexual Position: The ever-famous "No, you gotta get your leg up higher...no, not like that, like this... NO it's got to be HIGHER than that. No, like this...oh, yeah that'd work...if you were the one with the vagina ...NO, would you listen to me? HIGHER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OFMY MOUTH? You know what? Never mind...I don't even wanna do it anymore. No, I won't give you head. No, we can't try again ...Yeah, that's right. I am gonna use my vibrator... Well, I wouldn't have to if you could get your leg up! GOD!"

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