15 Things It Took Me Over 50+ Years To Learn

on 07.09.2007

15 Things it took me over 50+ years to learn Originally by: Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist *This list has been modified many times since it's inception in 1997 and only reflects the general idea of the original work.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one is very important.)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes; and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Greg J., gregj@crazyshit.com
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Comments From the Peanut Gallery
hey you what the hell are you looking at fucking asshole
posted on: 03-28-08 @ 6:55 PM

Nice to you and rude to a waiter....so true! Major red flag.
posted on: 09-27-09 @ 10:30 AM