Hard Work = Pay Raise

on 10.25.2000

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

  • I do physical labor.
  • I work at great depths.
  • I work head first;
  • I do not get weekends off, vacations, or public holidays.
  • I work in a damp environment
  • I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
  • I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
  • I work in high temperatures
  • My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Response from the administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

  • You do not work 8 hours straight!
  • You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
  • You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
  • You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas.
  • You take a lot of breaks.
  • You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
  • You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
  • You don't always observe OSHA measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits.
  • You don't wait till pension age before retiring.
  • You don't like working double shifts.
  • You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work,
  • And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!

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