How Are You Gonna Wipe?

on 07.05.2011

Here's a scenario for you to wrap your head around. You meet a chick out at the bar, hang out all night, and stay over at her place. In the morning, you go take a giant beer and cheeseburger shit in her toilet, but when you turn to grab some toilet paper, the roll is empty. You frantically check under the sink and in the closet, but nothing. What do you do? Do you hop in the tub and rinse your shitty ass in there? Do you just grab a hand towel and soil it with your mud butt? What's a man to do in this situation? It's time to get creative. --Adam

Adam H., adamh@crazyshit.com
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Comments From the Peanut Gallery
no you wipe your ass on her carpet that will teach the bitch
posted on: 07-05-11 @ 2:07 PM

Use the shower curtain.
posted on: 07-05-11 @ 2:24 PM

ths is when u act like a dog and drag your filthy ass all over the floor. when she sees it blame the damn dog and laugh your now clean ass off!
posted on: 07-05-11 @ 2:36 PM

Unless your triple jointed in the neck like Bigtalk then you could just bend over and lick it clean but for the rest of us I guess just let it dry rub your ass cheeks together and let it flake off, then use her deodorant to freshen it right up
posted on: 07-05-11 @ 3:36 PM

clean it with your underwear and flush it
posted on: 07-05-11 @ 4:46 PM

Apparently no one has been in the situation. First off, your hands are probably already dirty from the drunken sex-capades of the previous night...so all that needs to be done is---wash your hands..rub your butt...wash your hands...rub your butt...until everythings clean...no evidence no problem.
posted on: 07-05-11 @ 5:25 PM

Hope the shower has a hand-held head and wash your ass first. Then use he hand her towel to dry your ass. Lets hope she is not into white towels.
posted on: 07-05-11 @ 5:38 PM

Use a sock. Been there and done that.
posted on: 07-05-11 @ 9:02 PM

If she is Asian, just ask her to lick you're ass clean!!
posted on: 07-06-11 @ 2:13 AM

use your finger to write..make me a samhich bitch.
posted on: 07-06-11 @ 3:08 AM

thekillingtree has the right idea, but first what you want to do is check out the garbage can for tampon wrappers or other lady trash you can use. . .THEN you do the dirty scoop-n-wash if you have to. Voice of experience, fellas. Amen
posted on: 07-06-11 @ 3:36 AM

if shes asian , lets get this party started !!!
posted on: 07-06-11 @ 4:59 AM

You just met the bitch. Use her toothbrush, hell you already did ass to mouth, she won't know the difference.
posted on: 07-06-11 @ 11:19 AM

Shut up Adam
posted on: 07-06-11 @ 12:07 PM

I'll comment on every picture and video in the peanut gallery just to hear bitches tell me to be quiet. Don't nibble the bait too hard, son. Amen
posted on: 07-06-11 @ 12:10 PM

well if she is a ugly bitch that you were to drunk to notice the night before, then ya wipe your ass on her curtains. garunteed she wont call you on monday!!!
posted on: 07-06-11 @ 1:36 PM

use the cat
posted on: 07-06-11 @ 2:56 PM

this is an easy one, sneak out of the bedroom with the girls underware from last night, go to bathroom and wipe your arse withe the gusset of her panties. then put them back on her side of the bedroom. (optional) whilst in the bathroom you may want to write "BIGTALK WAS HERE" on the toilet brush handle.
posted on: 07-08-11 @ 4:56 PM