Please Smack Your Kid

on 10.21.2011

If your kid is screaming so loud that other shoppers can hear him from the opposite side of the store, and your weak ssshhhh just isn't quieting him down, it's not only your right, but your responsibility to smack that little shit and shut him the fuck up. I'm pretty sick of seeing parents being giant pussies and letting their kids be the boss. If you can't find it in yourself to punish your seed, I'd be happy to do it for you. One firm backhand should get the little brat's attention. If not, it's time to start the shaking. Learn how to keep your little bastards in line. --Adam

Adam H., adamh@crazyshit.com
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Comments From the Peanut Gallery
It's amazing how quickly a choke slam will get them in line too. Just ask my 2 surviving children.
posted on: 10-21-11 @ 2:09 PM

Ghost Shit You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl. Teflon Coated Shit Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it! Gooey Shit This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet. Second Thought Shit You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more. Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. Bali Belly Shit You shit so much you lose 5 kilos. Right Now Shit You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down. King Kong or Commode Choker Shit This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house. Wet Cheeks Shit This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet. Wish Shit You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit! Cement Block or Oh God Shit You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit. Snake Shit This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long. Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit) Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house. Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers) You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning. Beer Drunk Shit This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house. The Frightened Turtle The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in The Bungee Shit The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water. The Ring of Fire Shit The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter. The Crippler The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down. The Big Bobber The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface. The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam. The Incredible Hulk Shit The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size. The Jack the Ripper Shit The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out. The Party Pooper The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise. The Toxic Gas Shit The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town. Dirty Bowl Shit The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl. The Windy City Shit When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit. Oh Shit! Shit You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT! The Never Ending Shit It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Ouch That Hurt Shit The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
posted on: 10-21-11 @ 2:34 PM

Till some FUCK WIT Self Righteous Holier Than Thou turns your ass in for Child Abuse.
posted on: 10-21-11 @ 3:09 PM

Actually judasz, it would be some tree hugging hippy liberal that would turn you in for child abuse.
posted on: 10-21-11 @ 3:23 PM

I'll give kudos to anyone who took the time to read dazzza's comment.
posted on: 10-21-11 @ 3:58 PM

i believe in smaking kids but dont have any of my own so every friday night i go out and randomly belt some little fucker in the teeth for no reason ! makes me a potential good parent and the kid. . . well the kid just gets a punch in the face. his fault for being a kid.
posted on: 10-21-11 @ 6:49 PM

God bless your forward thinking in immediate attitude adjustment for children. . .Darwin would be proud, sir! Amen
posted on: 10-21-11 @ 9:28 PM

Adam, you may enjoy the book I'm writing. It's somewhere here in the forums. Let me know if you want to read a snippet..
posted on: 10-22-11 @ 2:40 AM

dazzza that was a load of shit !
posted on: 10-22-11 @ 7:47 AM