Jay At The Gym...There's A First Time For Everyting.

on 03.09.2004

There's a reason Scott put this weeks poll topic as being 'do you go to the gym?'. And that reason is I have recently joined a gym, in the efforts to combat my beer drinking, cheese steak eating and before bed Taco Bell munchie fest life style. I mean, it's getting bad...sometimes it's hard for me to tie my shoes. I guess sitting behind a computer all day, having a big fat lunch, and maybe a little nap doesn't do much for the physique of a young buck like myself. I mean sure I can blame it on depression, but that just gets me know where. I mainly blame it on friends, co-workers and chicken wings...mmm chicken wings. Ohh sorry, back to my point.

So I joined a place some call a gym, but I call the Pain Palace. The good news it that I walk right past the gym on my way to the parking lot everyday when I leave the office. The excuse about not wanting to drive to the gym is out the door. Guilt is one of my favorite motivating factors, so I just couldn't walk past the gym and say 'Maybe tomorrow I'll go'.

I do my first workout (it has been at least 8 years or more since I have seen, and I do use the term seen strongly, the inside of a gym). So naturally I get one of the personal trainers to show me the ropes, give me some pointers, and set up a workout schedule. As we go through a few machines everything is going ok, no muscles tearing, and I ain't dead yet.

Then comes the leg lifts! For those of you that are fortunate enough never to run across one of these machines, thank your lucky starts. This is where you put your arms in two protruding braces, and lift your knees up to your chest area. Ohh my fucking god! That shit all most killed me. I mean the first ten practically put me in the dirt. I started to break out in a cold sweat, and my stomach felt like that Chinese food I had for lunch was coming back for revenge. So I proceed to do one more set of ten. It was official right then and there. This workout session was over. I was about to puke, and/or faint all at the same time. Years of steady drinking I CURSE YOU!!!

So now that the first workout session was over I had/have one small problem. I can barely lift my hands and arms up. I can't even pick up a pencil, let alone wipe my ass. I am lucky this desk is supporting my arms and hands and the minimal amount of wrist movement is required to type this fucking update.

I hope you all have learned a lesson: I want you all to go out and do a trial membership at your local gym, so I don't feel like the only out of shape slob that can't wipe his ass, or lift the TV remote.

Ohh, and a side note, here's what I did after leaving the gym: Eat medium-rare hamburger (with cheese), one hot dog, and some sort of pasta. Went to bar, had a Bloody Mary (that's healthy, right?) and finished the night off with about 5 Bud Lights. Well at least my pain went away till this morning.

Jay D., jay@crazyshit.com
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
YOUR NAME: (required)

EMAIL: (required)

THEIR EMAIL: (required)
<< Previous Back^Next >> 

Comments From the Peanut Gallery