Ask Adam

on 03.13.2013

Xav asks, "Is it normal to beat it in front of your computer at the CS HQ or you have to pretend to be rating porn?"

Jay really doesnít like for me to beat it at work, and I do my best to respect his wishes. Seeing as much porn in a day as I do, Iím pretty desensitized to it and it usually doesnít distract me, but itís inevitable that a nut will have to be busted every once in a while.

On these rare occasions, I tuck my boner, walk to the bathroom and fire one out in the toilet real quick. Itís not ideal because I typically like to kick back and relax afterward, rather than go right back to work. And I always feel cheap and dirty after it too. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

Spaulding asks, "Hey Adam, Iím trying to grow a 1,000+ lb pumpkin this year. Do you think unicorn jizz and leprechaun shit would make a good fertilizer?"

Yes I do, but you canít just dump a load of unicorn jizz on some leprechaun shit, then throw a couple seeds in and think youíre good to go. Thereís a chemical reaction that occurs inside a leprechaunís colon when unicorn jizz is introduced, and thatís what you need to turbo boost that fertilizer.


So what youíre going to have to do is have the unicorn fuck the leprechaun, spray inside his ass, and let it sit in there for at least an hour. Longer is better, and itís best if the leprechaun remains face down, ass up during this phase. When ready, have the leprechaun shit in your soil and plant your pumpkin seeds.


I know this sounds easy enough, but a unicornís dick is big and a leprechaunís asshole is small, so you need to make sure your leprechaun is up to the task at hand. He may need to spend some time stretching out, if you know what I mean.


Also, you want as much shit and as much jizz as you can get, so keep the leprechaun from shitting for a few days prior and then you could feed him some Checkers or Taco Bell while the jizz is mixing in his rectum. And keep the unicorn from busting a nut for at least a week beforehand. Youíll probably have to offer some assistance as well, like helping with insertion, stroking the shaft, and caressing the balls.


Itís going to be messy and your hands will have to get dirty, but I know youíre not scared of a little mess. Good luck!

Treehouse21 asks, "Have you ever shit your pants in public?"

Once I was out running and was coming uphill on the last stretch. Iíd been eating a whole lot of fruit around that time and I could feel it wanting to come out. Midstride I lifted my leg to get a little relief by letting a fart out, but instantly regretted that decision when I sharted myself. It wasnít a whole lot of mud, but enough that I could feel it oozing out my undies and running down my leg a little. It made that last quarter mile quite uncomfortable.

FrankDrebin asks, "How many times has "I work for crazyshit.com" gotten you laid, Adam?"

Iíve had a few chicks start up conversations about my crazyshit t-shirts before, which is nice because you can kind of gauge their freak level right off the bat. I went home with this one who was pretty cool, but she wouldnít fuck that night. She did, however, ask if I wanted to jack off on her tits and rubbed my balls while I did.

Adam H., adamh@crazyshit.com
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Comments From the Peanut Gallery
You fuck, why didn’t you post a picture?
posted on: 03-13-13 @ 2:15 PM

Thanks Adam, I will give the bathroom fap a try and just hope the guy using the urinal next to mine won’t mind. Otherwise, I guess I will continue looking for that office workplace where fapping is not frowned upon...
posted on: 03-13-13 @ 2:50 PM

so what will jay tell his son when he grows up and asks him about his work?
posted on: 03-13-13 @ 3:39 PM

I wanna know why I aint got my tee shirt yet! I’ve sent 3 emails including my personal info! What gives?
posted on: 03-13-13 @ 4:21 PM

Nice. Thanks adam for taking the time to try something different like the time a moped made it home in china. Next time maybe some dating advice, that would be cool.
posted on: 03-13-13 @ 4:57 PM

have you ever fucked jays old lady in your mind while abuseing the primate?AKA(spanking the monkey)AKA(jerking off)
posted on: 03-13-13 @ 10:30 PM

Damn Adam, I never knew you were a farmer. That’s some next level shit. Thanks for the advice.
posted on: 03-14-13 @ 12:37 AM

@sparkles you have about as much fucking chance of getting yout tee shirt as i have had of getting my avatar changed, 2 months and loads of emails and public requests so i give up, and i will not be renewing my V.I.P. not that they give a fuck just look at what happed to wisconsinjed !
posted on: 03-14-13 @ 9:49 AM

Why won’t you post my video of when I raped my mom to death at age 13?
posted on: 03-14-13 @ 11:43 AM

Whats with the leprechaun shit, there are more fucking Blacks, Asians, Lithuanian, Chinese FFS, living in this Emerald isle than indigenous as the indigenous people are all over being retrained by the Taliban, and those who are normal have all fucked off to America. So stop the leprechaun shit and call it Lithuanian shit instead.
posted on: 04-09-13 @ 4:35 PM

Adam were do you go with the shirt I just get dirty looks...Do you think it’s just me?
posted on: 07-16-13 @ 6:21 PM

Get off the drugs mate
posted on: 08-28-13 @ 7:15 PM

I have a question for u guys, do u guys find it attractive when a woman sticks crazy shit (not the website lol that would probably hurt) up her pussy? I can't seem to wrap my head around how some guys find that sexy. It's like, "Let me see what crazy shit I can stick up my pussy and stretch it so far that no 'average' man could even come close to pleasing me!" Women that do that are gonna end up not being able to cum using anything smaller than a tree trunk! I just don't get it...smh. Someone please explain it to me!
posted on: 09-29-13 @ 6:05 AM