Xav asks, "Is it normal to beat it in front of your computer at the CS
HQ or you have to pretend to be rating porn?"
Jay really doesnít like for me to beat it at work, and I do my best to respect his wishes. Seeing as much porn in a day as I do, Iím pretty desensitized to it and it usually doesnít distract me, but itís inevitable that a nut will have to be busted every once in a while.
On these rare occasions, I tuck my boner, walk to the bathroom and fire one out in the toilet real quick. Itís not ideal because I typically like to kick back and relax afterward, rather than go right back to work. And I always feel cheap and dirty after it too. But desperate times call for desperate measures.
Spaulding asks, "Hey Adam, Iím trying to grow a 1,000+ lb pumpkin this year. Do you think unicorn jizz and leprechaun shit would make a good fertilizer?"
Yes I do, but you canít just dump a load of unicorn jizz on some leprechaun shit, then throw a couple seeds in and think youíre good to go. Thereís a chemical reaction that occurs inside a leprechaunís colon when unicorn jizz is introduced, and thatís what you need to turbo boost that fertilizer.
So what youíre going to have to do is have the unicorn fuck the leprechaun, spray inside his ass, and let it sit in there for at least an hour. Longer is better, and itís best if the leprechaun remains face down, ass up during this phase. When ready, have the leprechaun shit in your soil and plant your pumpkin seeds.
I know this sounds easy enough, but a unicornís dick is big and a leprechaunís asshole is small, so you need to make sure your leprechaun is up to the task at hand. He may need to spend some time stretching out, if you know what I mean.
Also, you want as much shit and as much jizz as you can get, so keep the leprechaun from shitting for a few days prior and then you could feed him some Checkers or Taco Bell while the jizz is mixing in his rectum. And keep the unicorn from busting a nut for at least a week beforehand. Youíll probably have to offer some assistance as well, like helping with insertion, stroking the shaft, and caressing the balls.
Itís going to be messy and your hands will have to get dirty, but I know youíre not scared of a little mess. Good luck!
Treehouse21 asks, "Have you ever shit your pants in public?"
Once I was out running and was coming uphill on the last stretch. Iíd been eating a whole lot of fruit around that time and I could feel it wanting to come out. Midstride I lifted my leg to get a little relief by letting a fart out, but instantly regretted that decision when I sharted myself. It wasnít a whole lot of mud, but enough that I could feel it oozing out my undies and running down my leg a little. It made that last quarter mile quite uncomfortable.
FrankDrebin asks, "How many times has "I work for crazyshit.com" gotten you laid, Adam?"
Iíve had a few chicks start up conversations about my crazyshit t-shirts before, which is nice because you can kind of gauge their freak level right off the bat. I went home with this one who was pretty cool, but she wouldnít fuck that night. She did, however, ask if I wanted to jack off on her tits and rubbed my balls while I did.
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