It's The Monday After The Super Bowl

on 02.02.2004

It's the Monday after the Super Bowl, and guess what...I have a hangover. Yes that's right, a hangover. I really can't figure out why. Ok, so maybe we both know why. But in the midst all the drinking, eating and watching for the Budwieser commercials, something very evil made it's way into the house, and I must warn you all!

This evil thing is know as a Scotch Bonnet Pepper.

Well actually there was four of them.

See every year it has become tradition to make the big fucking vat of chili and throw a party. Everyone gets drunk, we eat and watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. Well this year was off to a great start. The games on, beer was a flowing and I was a busy tweaking the chili to the uttermost of perfection. That's when I decided to add another of these fucking Scotch Bonnets, I already had 3 in the chili, so I proceeded to slice and dice. I add the pepper to the chili, taste and go for some more chips and salsa. This is were things take a turn for the worst. My hands some how rubbed against my upper lip as I was eating the chip. Oh my fucking god that bitch was on fire! And the cool wet paper towel only spread it around the to the rest of my mouth. So now my whole face is on fire and there is just about nothing I can do. I washed my face with milk, lemon juice and beer, but nothing was helping. Finally after about ten beers and me doing a whole bunch of complaining, the burning sensation slowly went away.

Now let me ask you a question, what happens to a person's body after ten beers or so? Yup that's right ya gotta piss. And before I go on, let me say this: to this point I have washed my hands with milk, lemon juice, beer, dish soap, lava soap, orange stuff and Clorox clean up. Ok with that being said back to the story. So I go to take a leak, feeling the joys of the beers exiting the body was rather short lived, instead a rather unwelcomed warming sensation started to take over my penis. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Winky was on fire! And there was nothing I could do! I am guessing that the clap or gonorrhea is no where near as bad as this is. Because it was no fucking joke! I was gonna use some cold beers to cool my "No, No" area but no one would allow me to waste perfectly good beer for my incinerating member. Needless to say I found some ice cream, and while no one was looking....you know....aww come on I'm just kidding, but it would have been a good idea. The fire finally went out. Now I all I have to do is not take my contacts out for another 10 years and I'll be fine.

So one of my favorite Sundays to party is now in the past. We got to see Miss Jackson's boobie, funny commercials (like the Bud Light dog, and the Chevy "Ohh Sh..." were the best) and got drunk. What more could a person ask for? Besides the burring dick thing?

I'm Audi 5000

Jay D., jay@crazyshit.com
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