Happy Almost 40th Birthday To Pappa Chubby!

on 08.13.2004

Well, well, well, here I sit staring at this fucking computer, enjoying an early morning cup of coffee. I am seriously thinking of taking the day off and going fishing. If it weren't for all of the bills I owe and all of the fucking work that would pile up at the office, I would call in sick. But alas, that's what old fuckers do. They do the responsible thing. And yes, I guess I am an old fucker. Today is my birthday. I am 39 years old. 365 days away from being 40. Now don't get me wrong, I don't actually feel 40. But I can tell the years are starting to catch up to me. I blame it on my kids. As any of you with children know, the little fuckers will drive you nuts. And it doesn't stop when they get older. As a matter of fact, the older they get, the worse they are on YOUR health.

Some days I wonder why I was too cheap to spend that quarter in the gas station men's room, and just buy the damn condom. Think about it, 25 cents would have kept my hair from falling out or turning gray. It would have kept me from having to buy sleeping aids to get to sleep. It would have saved me a fucking ton of money in car insurance premiums. It would have..well, you get the picture, I could go on forever about how much different life would have been if I had just been a little more quick to spend that fucking quarter.

But the truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way. You see, with 40 quickly approaching, that can only mean 50 and 60 are right around the corner. This means that it is only a matter of time until I am old enough to cause my children a ton of fucking misery. That's right! Payback is gonna be a bitch! I'm going to spoil their kids rotten and then send them back home to be holy terrors for a week or two. I'm gonna criticize every fucking thing they do until the day I die. I'm going to constantly remind them of the dumb shit they did 20 years ago. I'm going to... wait a minute... I'm starting to sound like my own father. What the fuck? I guess it does go full circle after all.

Well anyway, all of you fuckers out there getting ready to go out and get your drink on tonight, be sure and hold one high and toast ol' Poppa Chubby. Take pics and send them to poppachubby@crazyshit.com . Now for those of you really hot chicks out there that are wondering what Poppa Chubby wants for his birthday, just call up one of your hot chick friends, invite her over, get buck ass naked and take a bunch of pics. Send those in to me and I will be sure to email you back with exactly how you made my birthday special!!!

For those of you too shy to call up your friend, (and that seems to be a lot of you) here is my second birthday wish. I am wishing to receive pics of 100 boobies for my birthday. So all you readers out there who want to get Poppa Chubby something can either take a pic of your own set of flesh melons, or get your wife/girlfriend/ho/roommate whatever to let you snap a pic of hers. I am counting on 50 of you to make this wish come true. 50 sets, 100 hooters. Come on, give an old fucker his birthday wish!

That's my, "happy birthday wish" I hope it's yours,

Henry M., henrym@crazyshit.com
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