My Tales Of Woe From Hurricane Jeanne.

on 09.29.2004

For South Floridaís, well more importantly my second hurricane this year I decided to hunker down at Command Central. For those that donít know, that the office that I own and where crazyshit is made daily. The hunkering down begins. This requires the following things to survive in an office for more that eighteen hours. Beer, about 2 cases will do. TV and Xbox. Halo with internet connection. Food; chips and junk food basically. Sleeping bag and my 2 dogs. And most importantly a generator the size of a pick up truck, that powers my office.

So me and a friend of mine get all the proper gear together and head down to Command Central. Command Central is located on the third floor of a ten-story building. This building is one solid piece of shit. It had apparently with stood the hurricane of 1924 or some shit. Which they say was a category 5 hurricane. So needless to say, I felt pretty safe.

Beer in the fridge and we are getting the Xbox set up is the first order of business. After a few good hours online playing Halo online, the winds are starting to kick up. Itís getting nasty out there. But, what the hellÖitís nice in here, and thereís plenty more Halo and beer to go this night. So we take a break, and poke our heads out the fire escape. Holy fucking shit!!! Itís a hundred mph winds blowing and itís insane. Youíd have to been a serious fuck-tard to go out in that shit. And itís only getting nastier too.

At about eleven thirty, the power goes out. No problem, in 5 seconds the generator will kick on, and itís back to Halo. Well as I like to say, if it wasnít for bad luck, I wouldnít have no luck at all. The generator started, but I didnít fully pump out the electricity that it should. After a 15-minute scramble of shutting off every breaker on the floor that didnít have anything to do with the servers, I realized that I had to go out side to the generator. Ugh, thatís out a window, up a wall, across a third story roof and up another ledge in a one hundred plus mile per hour hurricane. Fuck me this is going to suck. And I was right, it did suck.

You couldnít believe how fast you get wet in one of these storms. I had forgotten my rain slicks, which were sitting right next to my front door of my house, because I knew that this was going to happen. So I stripped down to my shorts and hat and out the window I go. Two seconds later, Iím fucking drenched. Fuck me this sucks. Lighting, and rain that feels like someone is shooting me with a bb-gun isnít fun. So up the wall I go, across the roof, run against the wind for about a hundred and fifty feet. Up the next ledge to the generator. Check out the control panel, stop the fucking thing. I then pray to God it starts back up. Start the generator. Thank God for it starting. And then I proceed to haul ass back to the office. Boy, let me tell you, running with the hundred plus mile per hour winds is pretty fucking shitty too. Iím about 210 pounds. I was treated like a fucking kite. Back in the window and up to the office.

Well that little trip in to the hurricane was for not. It didnít correct shit. Fuck me, Iím going to have to go back out there. Fuck. Back downstairs to go through the window. First step out of the window and my hatís gone. I didnít even bother to see where it went. Up the wall, across the roof and up the ledge.

Now this time, I was sure I was going to get this fucking thing to work. Because you guys and gals donít care if we have a hurricane in Florida, you want your crazyshit.com, no ifís, andís or buttís. Without getting too technical, I fucked around with all the settings till I seen my office lights come on like a fucking lighthouse. I was like ďFUCK YEAH, IíM OUTTA THIS BITCH!!!Ē and I was outta there.

Well I must have been too excited, because I almost ate it getting down from the ledge to the roof. Which is a fifteen-foot drop. That would have been just fucking great. All that work just to have some broken foot or some shit. But I didnít fall and hit that roof a running. As I was crossing the roof and huge gust of wind, maybe about 120 mph got me from behind and slid me across the roof about 6 feet. Holly shit that was cool. Back in the window and up to the third floor.

I was soaked from head to toe, I stripped down to my boxers to dry off. To the displeasure of my friend and started in on the drinking beer. And decided to take it easy for the rest of the night. Hope you guys appreciate what I go through to provide you with crazyshit!!!


Jay D., jay@crazyshit.com
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