Here Kitty, Kitty...BANG!

on 04.13.2005

Currently in Wisconsin, the legislatures there are proposing a law that will allow hunting of free-roaming cats by licensed hunters. At this point I must say, if you are a cat lover, please click the main links above to go to the Jokes section to find a joke for the bar this weekend. You are not going to like what I have to say. End of announcement.

What's the big deal? People have hunted and eaten cats for centuries. Sure they are evil, sneaky and not loyal to anything. Plus they are always on the counter tops, and always blame shit on the dog. So, maybe it's not too bad of an idea. Hell, as a kid I remember doing a little backyard hunting of my own, shooting the occasional cat. Even my dogs have scored a few cats here and there. And as another bonus, it could be the perfect family outing. Allowing for fathers and sons and for that matter, mothers and daughters to send some precious bonding time.

During some point in history, cats had to be on the menu for someone. Please note again, the restraint I have for not doing a lame ass Chinese Restaurant joke, and I'd prefer that you, the reader, do the same. Sure, some cultures still eat Fluffy on a regular basis. Which gives me a great idea to make some tourism bucks in Wisconsin. Advertise the great kitty hunts in the Asian markets that still like da cat. Have them come to Wisconsin, to hunt the kitty. Tourism would boom, and the cat problem would go away. Problem solved.

Jay, the Mighty Hunter

Back when I was a kid, we used to have a shit load of squirrels in my parent's back yard. My Dad would keep a pretty hearty supply of peanuts for the squirrels to eat at all times. Since squirrels are basically rats with a cute tail, naturally the cats started showing up for some free food too. My job was to protect the squirrels from the hideous cats. I was armed with a B.B. gun, and a keen sense for the kill.

The best shot I ever had was a squirrel was on the fence eating a peanut. Oblivious to the fact there was a cat about two feet behind it. I got my trusty gun, pumped it about fifty times, and took aim. I was aiming for the kill: His ass! Just as that damm cat went for the squirrel, I pulled the trigger and nailed that fucker in his ass. Have you ever seen a cat do a back flip, and then takes off like a bat outta hell? That's exactly what this little fucker did. It was so fucking funny, I must have pissed myself laughing.

If you are a cat lover, and still reading this, shame on you! I will say this before I get some hate mail. I'm not a cruel and heartless person, as some of my ex's would lead you to believe. I actually do care about life. To be exact, I care about dogs, and apparently baby seals. (You'd have to seen my post on that video.) I don't care too much about human life, or cats. With that said, see below, my artistic rendering of my story of saving the squirrel.

Jay D., jay@crazyshit.com
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