Merry New Year To All At Crazyshit.com!

on 01.04.2007

I awoke, very confused. I had a nice size gash on my hand. I was lying on the ground, by my pool table. It was 7:40ish, I wasn't too sure if it was AM or PM. I guessed PM. Thought to myself, "Fucking A, I've slept the whole day!" I got up. Well staggered up, threw-up in the garbage can. Went outside to throw-up again. Found my way to my bed and passed the fuck out. I guess I really didn't care if it was 7:40ish PM, I was going back to sleep.

This ladies and gents, is how I started off 2007. I know, really ballar. But then again, that's just how I roll...yeah right! I hope your New Years was worse than mine. Please tell me there are people out there that did far more stupid shit to their bodies than I did. I hope some of you mother fuckers shit yourselves as you slept on someone's couch. Or woke up outside, pants around your ankles, dick still in your hand from where you went to take a leak and passed the fuck out. Please tell me that happened. Please.

We just did a house party at my house. It's so much easier than trying to go to a fucking crowded ass bar and dealing with all that shit. Plus, I can crash whenever and wherever I want! Also, it's amateur night for the drunk drivers. It's all those people that don't drink and drive 355 days a year and end up in a ditch with their car hugging a huge oak tree. Or running the truly veteran drunk drivers off the road, into that would be oak tree.

After draining the house of all booze, except for my secret stash of JD, we tore into all the champagne everyone brought. By the way, I have to tell you, that Guinness and champagne is so fucking badass! You'll have to try it some time. As we get down to the last bottle, we try to pull it out of the freezer. Someone, I'm not naming any names, had put it in the automatic ice maker thingy. Well, as you get ice, the screw turns and eventually it caught the bottle against the top corner of the freezer. See picture below.

This is where drunken resourcefulness comes in. We tried and tried to free that precious champagne bottle. To no avail. Only one option left. Ball-peen hammer. Ohh yeah baby! I mean, I actually used a crowbar too. But For some reason, the hammer was the best idea we could come up with. I even topped that, by holding the bottle as I smacked it. Resulting in the said cut in my hand. Well the cheap ass bottle of Cook's champagne gave way, and so did the outpouring of champagne. Ohh and glass too. I still have a piece in my foot as I write this.

The moral of the story is...fuck there really isn't one. Besides every New Year's party should be a memorable one. Like the fight we had in the back yard this year too. But I didn't witness it, so I'm not even going there. I hope everyone else got really shit faced, had sex with something…goat, human, or vacuum cleaner and had one hell of a hangover! Below are some pics of the bottle. I have video too, I'll try to put it up tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a great year!

The fucking bottle of champagne, suck like chuck.

Sure as shit, it wasn't coming out.

Hammer Time!

Jay D., jay@crazyshit.com
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