The Boy‘s Mohawk

on 05.16.2007

I don‘t really know what I was thinking when I decided I was going to go ahead and let my 7 year old son get the haircut he has always wanted. Maybe it was the swelling of my brain from the ridiculous heat on the baseball field, maybe I was just trying to make my son happy, after all he is a good kid, or perhaps I was simply tired of looking at his hair that had become some sort of a shaggy looking mop. What ever the reason was, I found myself saying the words "I‘m gonna cut your hair really short today, do you want a mohawk?"

As my son’s eyes lit up like a super nova I realized that I probably should have talked with his mom before hand, but before I could even say another word my son was saying things like. “Hell yeah I‘m getting a Mohawk!” and other things of that nature. As we walked of the baseball field, (I help coach my son t-ball team) my son had already rushed off and told his mother the great news. She didn‘t take it very well, which was no surprise to me. She had started with the usual lectures and assault of words that really amounted to nothing more than I am an irresponsible father and a asshole. Maybe I am, but at least I‘m a cool irresponsible father and not just a asshole but I am The Asshole Supreme and she better never forget it! She kept up her battle with words about how they won‘t let him into school with that haircut, and how all the kids in school are going to make fun of him, all sorts of stupid ass shit. In all actuality I stopped listening to her years ago. I basically told her that I don‘t give a fuck and if it doesn‘t work out she could finish the job.

Of we went, now my friends and I have tried to give the boy a mohawk before and my one buddy fucked that one up real bad, I think my son still resents him to this day for that one. After that previous incident Jay had told me that if we were ever going to give him another mohawk, he wanted to be the one to give it to him, so I called his crazy ass up. Fucker never answered the phone, he was probably hung over, we had been at a party the night before and it was safe to say we got pretty drunk. Well I wasn‘t going to wait around for Jay to get his act together, so I called another one of my buddies and explained the situation. He told me to come on over. About an hour later thanks to the help of my buddy Mikey we had a young 7-year-old boy with a cool looking mohawk. I was really digging it, so was my son. I thought everybody would actually like it. Boy was I wrong.

Keep in mind I had considered the possibility that the schools might react negatively to this haircut, but what can they really say, it‘s just a haircut. What I hadn‘t considered was that about half the people that came into contact with him or a picture of him either loved it or they hated it and hated me for it. I have never in all my years seen so many people pissed of over a haircut. It was fucking amazing!!! His mother almost started crying, but I had talked her into letting him keep the hairdo until at least Monday night after the boy was done with school. My own mother bitched me out, on the phone for about 10 minutes in English, 10 minutes in Spanish and about another 5 minutes in Spanglish. At one point I truly didn‘t understand what the fuck she was saying cause she was so mad. I had cousins calling me up telling me the school board was going to call Child Services on me and that the school kids are going to terrorize my son. I had uncles calling me up to tell me I was cruel for doing that to him. People just went nuts.

This shit kept going on for about two days, random people would either call me up to tell my sons haircut was bad ass or they would just bitch me out and tell me how fucked up I was. I thought it was funny as shit, it‘s just a fucking haircut!! After all was said and done, my son went to school and to every ones surprise the school’s staff loved it, all the kids loved it and everyone that knew him was all about his cool new haircut. In fact there was only one little boy who didn‘t like it. He had told my son that he didn‘t like it cause my son was getting all the girls and attention. Jealous little bastard, that‘s the little fucker they need to keep an eye on. Those are the kids that come back 10 years later and shoot everyone. It‘s funny how people can get so bent out of shape over something as simple as a haircut. It‘s almost as if people need some sort of a massacre just to keep things in perspective.

I‘ll post some pictures of the Mohawk in the forums later.

Jesse U, jesse@crazyshit.com
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