They Call It Mellow Yellow

on 05.24.2007

There are many humbling experiences in life that put the ego in check and make you realize your not a smart as you think. It seems like everytime I get a big head on my shoulders there is some funny or tragic event that will bring me back down to earth. Whether it be spelling the word "Dumb" wrong in a grade school spelling bee or forgetting how old I was for 2 weeks. It‘s must be natures way of letting you know your barely smart enough to stay alive.

On one particular night I had an experience that would make even the most proud of persons extremely humble. I was going out to meet an old high school friend at a bar about twenty minutes from my house. I was in a rush to leave like I always am so I rushed out the door and drove to the bar. Once I got there it was your typical outdoor café type place with a bar outside and ubiquitous white sheets strung around accordingly. I walked in and saw my friend sitting inside the bar. It was a nice night so I decided to sit outside. On the way out there I realized an old friend was sitting down. We decided to sit down next to him since there were a bunch of open seats at the table.

An hour or two went by and I ended up saying goodbye to my friend and walking back to my car. Since I left my house in a rush I forgot to take a bottle of water with me just in case I got thirsty later on. About five minutes after I left my house I realized I had to piss like a racehorse. Usually solution would be to stop at a gas station or wait till you get to the bar to go. Unfortunately I had no time to stop and hadn‘t seen my friend in a while so didn‘t wanna rush past her to the bathroom when I first saw her. At this time the commute for my current job was about an hour long and many times along the drive nature would call and I didn‘t want the answer to be getting off the highway to go to the gas station. So instead I would piss in one of the many empty bottles of water lying on the floor of my car. This night was no different.

So if you haven‘t figured out where this is going yet I will proceed to point out the obvious. I get back into my car after a relatively fun night and realize that I am thirsty after all that reminiscing and catching up. I see a seemingly clear bottle of water sitting in my center console with condensation at the top of it. This should have been my first warning that something was weird about this bottle because it was the middle of the night so it wasn‘t hot enough to make the water condense like that. Regardless I was thirsty so I opened the bottle and took a big gulp. At this time I started to recount the things that had led me up to that moment in the night and realized something. In my rush to leave the house I did not bring a bottle of water out to the car. I did however piss in a bottle before I got to the bar and unfortunately that was the bottle I was drinking from.

So if you‘ve gotten this far in the story and are still confused I‘ll make things simple for you and say "I DRANK MY OWN PISS". The weirdest part about it is that I didn‘t notice until about half way through the second gulp. It was at this point I spat out the water err PISS and got that warm fuzzy feeling which would end up in me purging the contents of my stomach later on that night. What was also strange was the fact that I realized my piss tastes better than most tap water and some bottled waters I have had the displeasure of drinking in my lifetime. So now at least I am confident in the fact that if I ever end up in a Man Vs. Wild situation and need water desperately it won‘t have been the first time I‘ve drank my own piss.

Greg J., gregj@crazyshit.com
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Comments From the Peanut Gallery
Jay D.
Greg loves the pee pee.
posted on: 05-23-07 @ 12:26 PM

Thats gross
posted on: 05-24-07 @ 8:37 PM

ha! I find it funny you like the taste. I can see that happening, but get it together man! and pay the fuck attention. jackass.... just fuckin with you boss
posted on: 06-16-07 @ 9:34 AM