Between Pirates And Ninja‘s

on 10.01.2007

This weekend my friend Dave had a Pirate themed party. Basically all you had to do is put on an eyepatch and say a few arrrrghs! Dave's girlfriend went all out and ordered one of those blowup gladiator pits complete with jousting sticks and elevated pads you tried to balance on. When I was first told of this Pirate party I realized it was totally discriminating against a very important yet often forgotten group of individuals. Ninjas! If you ask anyone who the most formidable warriors of all time were they will usually without hesitation mention either Pirates or Ninja's if they have even a mildly educated opinion on the matter. I chose the latter(Ninja's).

It's an age old argument. Who would win in a fight? Pirates or Ninja's. Fortunately we had the gladiator ring set up for the pirate party and I decided to get my Ninja swords and other accessories and show those pirates who's boss. They might dominate that 75% of the earth covered by water but as soon as pirates step on land they have to answer to the ninja. Whether it be smoke bombs or those jack looking needle things (caltrops) they throw while they are running away, Ninja's have to tools to turn any drunken pirate party into a bloodbath. See the thing about Ninja's is they have to take a pact of sobriety. That only counts for when they are on a mission though. Pirates are getting drunk all the time hence the constant slovenly behavior. That is why I decided to represent the Ninja population at this patently anti-Ninja party.

I was asked many questions about my ninja outfit which was quite ingenious by my standards, but some people… err.. Pirates had a problem with my gear. The Pirates wondered why a Ninja would be wearing shorts. Well if you know anything about Ninja's you know they adapt to their environment. And if you've ever been to Florida you know it's fucking hot year round so if your running around in a fully covered black jumpsuit the only thing you are gonna catch is heat stroke. After about five minutes of being at the party I (the Ninja) was challenged to a duel by the pirates. Seeing how I was the only Ninja attending the party I had no choice but to accept the challenge and prepare to deal out hot Ninja death.

It started off like any other fight with a Ninja. At first my opponent was not sure where I was and by the time he saw me he was eating the Jousting pole Sandwich. One by one the pirates fell until there was only one left who oddly enough did not look like a Pirate at all. It was the dreaded owner of CrazyShit.com Jay D. After a short battle it was realized that we should call it a draw before our buzzes wore off and someone threw up in the grass next to the inflatable gladiator pit. Ninja's proved their dominance once again. Pirates are doomed to another hundred years of poorly made movies and scurvy.

When the end of the night came around and most of the party was being kicked out of the house for being drunken and loud this Ninja became a little confused. Why would you throw a Pirate themed party and then be surprised when everyone winds up drunk and rowdy. It would almost seem like an insult if you didn't get drunk and rowdy. Anyways nobody ever comes to Ninja parties because Ninja's refuse to give up the location of their hideouts(house). So unfortunately we will never be able to compare a Ninja party to a Pirate party. We do know however that if you invite a Ninja to your Pirate party you better prepare yourself for the ass kicking that will ensue shortly after his arrival.

Greg J., gregj@crazyshit.com
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Comments From the Peanut Gallery
Jay D.
I like how you rolled into the bar after the party. You said two words, we turned around, to get you a beer, and POOF, you were gone! Fucking ninjas.
posted on: 10-01-07 @ 10:10 PM

The ONLY reason pirates are so popular is that damn movie. Blame the movie.
posted on: 10-02-07 @ 6:33 PM

they were ass pirates werent they???
posted on: 10-03-07 @ 1:01 PM

That shit's gangster. You shoulda kicked Jay in his pirate nuts for talking that shit...
posted on: 10-03-07 @ 4:55 PM

Pirates,Ninjas...pfft. They aint shit compared to a pissed off wife after you been out with the boys and come home drunk off your ass at 4 in the morning.
posted on: 10-05-07 @ 3:24 PM