California Is On Fire

on 10.30.2007

Last weekend I went out to California for a little vacation. Little did I know California was going to burn to the ground while I was there. Otherwise I probably would have made plans to go somewhere less fiery. It’s not that I don’t like fire but it causes awful traffic and makes it hard to get around a state. The trip started off with a nice little adventure through the Joshua Tree state park. Prior to visiting the park I only though “Joshua Tree” was the name of the last decent U2 album. Whether or not U2 ever made a decent album is clearly up for debate but what is not is the fact that Joshua Tree’s are the like LSD tripping hippies of the tree world. Their branches extend in all sorts strange directions like something out of a Dr. Suess book.

We spent the night at a rustic desert lodge replete with old style trimmings like weathered wood and poor AC circulation. They actually had a rec room with a ping-pong table outside. Which didn’t make much sense considering playing ping pong outside with all that wind is like water polo in a bathtub. So we managed to get in a game of pool on the worst table I have ever seen. Fortunately the pool sticks they offered were equally as crappy and none of them had tips. Once we made it out of that sand trap we did a little more hiking and drove back to L.A. On the way back through San Bernardino we got caught in a sand storm of all things that reduced visibility to about less than 30 yards in any given direction. This should have been the first sign that all was not well in California.

On the way out to death valley we had to drive back through San Bernardino right about the same time there were 100mph Santa Anna winds literally blowing trucks off the road like kids toys. I got stuck in a traffic jam where no less than five semi’s turned over on their sides littered the sides of the roads. Once we actually made it to Death Valley things calmed down a little.

Driving through Death Valley one can only wonder how many souls spent their last moments there. The place is probably one of the most inhospitable areas on the earth if you don’t know the land well. Nothing but hot ass sun and a bunch of dried up water that long ago turned into salt. Why anyone would go there in anything besides a fully gassed car with plenty of water in it is beyond me. One guy with the last name William Lewis Manly actually managed to walk all the way through Death Valley to Los Angeles to get help for a trapped Bennett-Arcane Party who decided to take a shortcut off what they thought was the “Old Spanish Trail”. I’m sure a couple other people got stuck and tried to walk out of the Valley of Death but they didn’t make it hence no “Manly” story.

Another neat feature of Death Valley is NO CELLPHONE SERVICE. Which is a great thing especially when the entire state is being engulfed in flames and we were driving straight through it. Needless to say a couple family members, including my sister who lives in Los Angeles, were worried about our well being since there wasn’t a very good way to get ahold of us. We ended up driving out of Death Valley the next day after visiting a few more spots such as the sand dunes where the trapped travelers I mentioned earlier had to make Oxen Jerky and ditch their wagons in order to survive.

Fortunately we managed to drive through all the parts of California that were not on fire. We couldn’t have planned the trip better if we tried. Got out of the state no problem but and on the way out got a birds eye view of all the fires next to the city lights. Let their be no question in your mind that California got fucked up big time by those fires and it will be a while before they are able to recover. Luckily I don’t give a shit because I live in Florida. So my suggestion is if you ever visit California take a ride through Death Valley because at the moment it’s one of the few places that isn’t burning to the ground.

Skull Rock at Joshua Tree National Park

More big ass rocks at Joshua Tree National Park

49 palms near 29 palms. Oasis in the desert minus water

Sandstorm on the way through San Bernardino going back to Los Angeles

Shitty Raven at a Death Valley outhouse

Me copping a feel on some hot chick near a cliff. Doesn't she look thrilled!

After I was dropped in the middle of the desert by the girl who's ass I grabbed

Death Valley from Dante's View. This is that shit you see in the paintings.

Greg J., gregj@crazyshit.com
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Comments From the Peanut Gallery
Beautiful pictures greg!!
posted on: 10-30-07 @ 6:14 PM