Dick Clark... Please Stay Home Next Year

on 01.06.2009

This year I had the "pleasure" of watching the ball drop in time square for the umpteenth time. One notable feature of the past two years is stroked out Dick Clark trying to keep up with the countdown for the last twenty seconds of the year. Last year he wasn't even close. When I say not close I mean so far off the ball had dropped and he was still counting. This year was only slightly different.

As Dick Clark started this years countdown you could tell he was determined to get it right stroke be damned. Unfortunately time got the better of him but it seems like the television production crew was ready for it this time. Instead of centering on the ball dropping and the numbers counting down they panned away right about the time Dick Clark started to count too slowly. At that moment I came to the conclusion that Dick Clark need to get the fuck off TV.

I know it's a American staple to have that guy count us down but it is really starting to feel like some kind of bad dream. If your grandpa had a stroke you wouldn't let him walk around outside in his underwear and that's exactly what it is like trying to get Dick Clark to do a correct twenty second countdown. Old people start to get old and all of a sudden they feel like they aren't useful anymore so they do things like work at Publix.

There really isn't anything wrong with that because when you work at Publix you aren't on display for millions of people. Even the old dude at Publix isn't half stroked out. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to push a shopping cart out into the parking lot with one hand and that's exactly why Dick Clark needs to stay the fuck off my television and stick to banging all those prostitutes on that private island of his….


He doesn't have a private island with prostitutes?

Well maybe he should have because I heard that is the perfect preventive medecine for a stroke.

Stay the fuck home next year Dick Clark!

Greg J., gregj@crazyshit.com
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Comments From the Peanut Gallery
I second the notion. all in favor...
posted on: 01-07-09 @ 9:59 AM