What Corporate America Thinks About Us.

on February 8th, 2001

Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods, to prove what corporate america thinks about us, the consumer:

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
[Gee, that`s the only time I have to work on my hair]

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside".
[Evidently, the shoplifter special]

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap. "
[And that would be how. . . ? ]

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost. "
[But it`s *just* a suggestion]

5. On Tesco`s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down".
[Oops, too late! ]

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
[As sure as night follows the day . . . . .]

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
[But wouldn`t this save even more time? ]

8. On Boot`s Children`s Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
[We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts. ]

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
[Isn`t that the idea...?]

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
[As opposed to what? ]

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
[I gotta admit, I`m curious].

12. On Sainsbury`s peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. "
[Step 3: Fly Delta]

14. On a child`s Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
[I don`t blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]

15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
[Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?]

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