No Child Left......

on May 6th, 2005

In response to President Bush's Federal "No Child Left Behind Act" students will have to pass a test to be promoted to the next grade level. In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all of the states, it will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test, or FART.

All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in Grades 3, 4, and 5 until such time as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80%. If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate English program; the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language or SMELL.

If, with the increased SMELL program, the student cannot pass the required FART test, he or she can graduate to middle school by taking a one-semester course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation, or CRAP.

If, by age fourteen, the student cannot FART, SMELL, or CRAP, he or she will earn promotion in an intensive one-week seminar. This is the Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students or PRUNES. It is the opinion of the Department of Public Instruction (DPI) that an extensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL, or CRAP.

This revised provision of the student component of the House Bill 101 should help clear the air. This is part of the "No School Left Standing Act."

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