A Drunken Dream on June 9th, 2006
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping
wife, and fell into a deep sleep.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in
your sleep, Ralph."
Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live
for. Send me back!"
St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back:
as a chicken."
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near
his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers,
clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, eh? How's your first
"Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling
inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before?"
"Never," said Ralph. "Well, just relax and let it happen."
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon
laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of
his head, and heard his wife shout,
"Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting the bed!"