Atlanta School Board

on April 21st, 2005

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI -- noun. Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."

BARD -- verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH -- noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS -- noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

IGNERT -- adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH -- noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL -- noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR -- noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS -- noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR -- noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE -- noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD -- Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

TARRED -- adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

FAT -- noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.

ARE -- pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

RATS -- noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN -- adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."

DID -- adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR -- noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR -- noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE -- Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE -- a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert."

SEED -- verb, past tense.

VIEW -- contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"

HEAVY DEW -- phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

GUMMIT -- noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."

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