The Do's And Don'ts Of Jerking Off!

on May 10th, 2002

Do jerk off as much as you like. Don't worry, you won't go blind from jerking off unless you shoot sperm in your eye.

Do try to put yourself in an area where you won't be caught.

Do have a place to shoot your load already set up.

Do hide your spankerchief so no one can find it.

Do jerk off in the shower as this will hide any and all evidence of your perverted behaviour.

Do drink cranberry juice as often as you can. This builds up your sperm count incredibly!

Do not get sperm on yourself.

Do not shoot your load on a thick rug and then try to clean it up with toilet paper.

Do not hold your load in as long as you can in hopes that you'll shoot it across the room. This can cause irreversible damage to your johnson.

Do not flex your legs too hard before you blow your load or you'll get a cramp and ruin the moment.

Do not use your porn magazines as your spankerchief. That is future jerk off material and if you spunk in it, you won't be able to use it again!

Do not ever jerk off while taking a shit. That is fucking disgusting!

Do not attempt to stick your finger in your ass while jerking off. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)

Do not use Icy Hot for lubrication!

Do not, under any circumstances, try to shoot your load into your own mouth! (unless you're gay, then it's ok)

Do not participate in any group jerk off sessions or any circle jerk events. If you do, don't get anyone else's sperm on you.

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